There is the New Here: 21) Southern Laos- Back in Action

4/5

I bought a replacement camera in Vientianne, the capital of Laos. I was really excited to be able to take pictures again.

But clearly the guy who sold it to me was not. He’s like an overweight, middle-aged, hipster Debbie Downer. Wah-wah.

Oh, you said not allowed. OK, cause it thought…

Yes! No witty comment, just one hell of a dog.

What kind of gay gang am I in here? Our initiation must be holding a bake sale where the brownies are dry…on purpose! That’s about as street as you get when you grow up in Haverford, PA

I took an overnight trip south on the Las Vegas strip of buses

This is what it would look like if Disney and David Bowie had a kid and it was a bus. Just all kinds of flash.

I have no idea what this public service poster is all about, but the animation is unreal. It’s like they depicted a world in which everyone had gigantism.

In the interest of passing on the government-issued tips, here you go:

Make the care of a child a family affair, even if your child is an 80 year old man with alien arms that reach his knees

Don’t be afraid to discipline your children using the Spock “live long and prosper” spanking technique. Don’t worry, Asian-Mick Jagger, it will all be over soon

If you are missing an arm, use steroids to over compensate by making your one arm disturbingly large. You can find a tiny nurse to shoot you up for cheap in most towns and provinces

Ummm. Invite the world’s largest man over for dinner. And ummm… let him touch your youngest. And… ok this is just plain weird

Would you believe they stuck total strangers in the same bed on a sleeping bus?

They did

But it was actually sort of cool. I was flanked by an Irish dude and a hot chick from Belgium and we stayed up for hours talking. Random, but oddly fun.

4/6

Holy crap! I’m deep in Laos and suddenly its Phillies fever. Well I suppose a world champion is a world champion. Booyah.

I spent the next 5 days on a tiny island in the 4000 Islands district on the Mekong river. There was no electricity but plenty of weed and hammocks. Daily activities consisted of waking up, followed by a 2 hour breakfast, followed by nothing, followed by swimming, followed by nothing, followed by dinner, followed by cards, followed by sleep. Repeat that for 5 days and there you have it.

Finally I win at poker. It only took 31 years.

This is not a foot drawn in pen and ink on the wall, but phlegm that attracted a swarm of ants. Gross I know, but if this possessed the likeness of the Virgin Mary and not a foot I’d be on eBay getting rich right now. Just sayin.

4/7

4/8

OK, so this whole trip I have been wanting to read Motley Crue’s bio. I’ve actually been meaning to read it for years, but it seemed especially dumb, easy and appropriate for world travel. But where the hell am I going to find a copy in the middle of Southeast Asia?

Apparently in the 4000 Islands

I met a kid from Seattle who had just finished it and I traded him a few year-old Vicodin for it. Fucking incredible score. Epic.

Daily samosas at 4PM from this woman on the side of the road. Solid A snacks everyday.

Smoke, smoke, smoke! You are so the man dog.

4/9

At the request of Matt Johnson. Another Drury motorcycle shot. I should be on a police TV show looking like this.

It would be called Stash and would be a cop show/comedy about misfit cops in Chicago who are afraid of confrontation but love a good bratwurst. It would be sort of Police Academy meets Chips, with a healthy dose of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia thrown in.

This is the best menu offering I have ever seen. Seriously. Are you even ready for this shit? OK, check it.