18) Pai- The Redemption of the Hippie

A few hours north of Chiang Mia is Pai, otherwise known as Bob Marley central. I've always found Rastas that aren't Jamaican slightly bothersome; I mean they are sort of the ultimate posers, ya know? Despite being a full-on, Jah-loving, dread-natty-dread experience, the town still won me over. The hippies and I are back from mutual-disgust to mutual-indifference. I even brought back the beard (possibly for the last time ever) to honor the occasion. Rock on, you smelly monkeys.

3/19

But first I present the World's Ugliest Pigeon. It was moments from death when I took this. R.I.P Charlie Chaplin (that's what I named him cause he was the least animated animal I have ever seen).






































Can anyone listen to David Lee Roth and not start cracking up? I can't even think about him without giggling a little. So...

...when he comes up on shuffle and starts "serenading" what I presume is a whore by calling her "semi-good looking" and announcing with pride that his love (presumably his falice) is "rotten to the core," it's pretty much impossible not to start laughing out loud and draw the attention of the entire bus to you. FYI- It doesn't make you seem any more normal to take a picture of your iPod after.

Van Halen: Ain't Talking About Love- first verse and refrain

I heard the news baby, all about your disease

Yeah you may have all you want, baby, but I got somethin' you need

Oh yeah, ain't talkin' 'bout love

My love is rotten to the core

Ain't talkin' 'bout love

Just like I told you before, yeah before

You know you're semi-good lookin', and on the streets again

Oh yeah you think you're really cookin' baby, you better find yourself a friend

My friend, ain't talkin' 'bout love

My love is rotten to the core

Ain't talkin' 'bout love

Just like I told you before, uh before, uh before, before

I feel like he could thrown a few more "uh befores" in there to really drive home the point. But I suppose David Lee Roth was never subtle. We don't love him for his tact, we love him because he looks like Skeletor in cheap blue pleather.

PS- Can we say jock stuff? Whose he trying to fool here?

From Van Halen to 3 days of Get Up Stand Up on repeat... here's how hippie Pai is:

No wait, it's this hippie

No wait, this hippie

But even the hippies will surprise you every now and again.

A Louis Vitton director's chair? Ain't nothing heady bout that.

3/20

"I'll take the frame... and the dog. Just the frame and the dog, thanks. No bag please."

Once again proving my theory that kids in Hong Kong are nuts... the best news article ever.

Don't you just love the way they phrased "meaningless and not worth living?". Aren't we being a tad bit extreme children? Maybe meaningless without ring tones, but the internet? You so craze.

Anyone remember my motorcycle accident?
I do.

OK, that's it. It has been over 2 weeks and what you see is a pocket of squishy liquid forming on my leg. I am officially going to the hospital

I wrote my name as legibly as possible and this is what came back. I'm fairly certain there is no record whatsoever of me ever being at this hospital. I'm off the grid, baby!

Going to the emergency room stoned and in a rainbow bathing suit draws more attention than I think most people would like at the hospital. And I was sort of nervous about what might go down with my leg.

So I went the old distraction route. I recommend this before any surgery or nerve-wracking event. Stories will take your mind anywhere.

Also, sign up for this podcast. It's simply the best. And it's perfect for road trips, vacations and days at the beach.

So what's the verdict, Doc? Hematoma? I knew it! OK, let's drain the sucker.

I filled 8 vials of blood- nearly 40ml. It was not pretty. And I didn't even get a lollipop after. Jerk.

But an artist collective party that night mellowed things out. There was lot's of this stuff.

3/21

Back at it the next day

This waterfall doubled as an awesome slide

Me on top

And rocking out on the way down

You said it

Beers afterwards in a tree-based, bamboo canopy.

Yes, this chick partied about as hard as you might guess. Later that week she got a tattoo on her stomach that said "live free" cause she was bored. Fucking Alaskans man.

3/22

same same

River hike

Daddy long-legs... thousands of them. Yikes.

More roach, less chicken!

You gotta love someone who goes the extra mile to educate the masses.

I'm sorry but no. This is not Mighty Mouse. That is a really gay looking Mickey Mouse in a cape. Get it straight.

Look how smug this tree stump is. What a dick. But his aloofness only makes me want him even more. Damn it.

This is what it looks like when someone who is 6'5" dances with someone who is 5'1". From the look of this woman, she thinks she is dancing with god.

My new favorite article of clothing- the misspelled Hank Williams sweatshirt. I inaugurated it with several beer stains on its first night out.


































































Next stop: Laos. Leaving town with a massive hangover is about as much fun as life without the internet. Don't ever consider it. I wouldn't exactly have welcomed death at this point, but I wouldn't have resisted it too hard either. Drink is the enemy. Keep repeating it Rob. Maybe one day it will sink in. Drink is the enemy, drink is the enemy...