1/31- the
Ballina airport
I arrived in Byron Bay, the eastern-most point of Australia via
Ballina. My team and I were here to study the elusive hippie. Long extinct in other parts of the world, the hippie still thrives here,
fueled by heavy doses of sunshine,
marijuana and good karma. Rental cars are just this way in case you were wondering.
n. pl. hip·pies A person who opposes and rejects many of the conventional standards and customs of society, especially one who advocates extreme liberalism in sociopolitical attitudes and lifestyles.
The above definition has guided our view of the hippie for several decades, however I was after a deeper understanding of the species. For example, leading theorists believe that dreadlocks are used as a visual distraction to turn people's attention away from overwhelming stench the hippie produces, while others believe their hair is simply used to hide drugs and candles. I was after my own answers. And questions. And questions to the answers and even answers to the answers. I knew this would not be an easy undertaking.
2/1
The hippie won't camouflage itself from other species as it has no natural enemies. In fact, the only real threat to the hippie is itself. Here we see one of the elders of the tribe donning fairy wings and slugging white wine at 4pm on a Sunday.
The hippie's diet consists primarily of organic nuts and berries as well as a steady intake of reggae music. Smurf (actual name) on the left was nasty on the trumpet.
All jokes aside, this show totally rocked. We danced hard for 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon. Set break consisted of swimming in the 80 degree ocean. So fun.
And it totally redefined and all ages show. There were copious amounts of children and infants as well as a healthy selection of white hairs in the front row. New data suggests that the hippie may have unlocked the secret to eternal youth- a
fascinating discovery.
The hippie will consumer news, but only from like-minded sources such as the popular paper Echo.
World events have no place in the hippie's agenda, however breaking pieces like this are headline news.
The hippie takes creative pursuits like art very seriously, but only if they are centered on fantasy and faraway lands. I can't begin to tell you how much fairy shit there was in this town.
And crystals! I swear crystals must be the largest driver of their economy. I was tempted to have my aura photographed, but I didn't think the machine could capture pure black. Just kidding, my aura's red like the inside of Lindsay
Lohan's pants.
Booyah.
My team noted that hippies are one with all of nature, especially animals. Domesticated animals are marked with bright colors to establish them as one of their own.
Here we have a rare look at the hippie in its natural habitat. Their lairs are decorated with
tapestries and ribbons, which create a sense of calm in the species.
Editor's note: the reason this photo is so blurry is that I wanted to take it as quickly as possible lest I be discovered photographing the inside of someone's bedroom. That's an 11 on the scale of creepy things for guests to do. 
For entertainment the hippie shuns modern convenience in exchange for what it
perceives as a more natural lifestyle. Here we see two hippies at play. One is impressing the other with his ability to simultaneously hula hoop and play the ukulele.
The hippie will, however, on occasion contribute to the greater society and in doing so shock even the most ardent sceptics. Seriously, this bro had the sickest reggae collection on vinyl of all time. My jealousy knew no bounds.
And so concluded our study of the hippie in its native Byron Bay.
Unfortunately my team was too charmed by the hippie way to continue its research and my interns simply got high and wandered off- a typical challenge in this field.
I did make some stark discoveries, however:
1- the lay person's stereotypical view of the hippie is deadly accurate
2- my career was likely over as there was nothing left for me to learn about the species
3- You can make fun of hippies all you want, but they're the ones banging super-hot hippie-chicks and smiling all the time
4- ummm. Shit, I forget. Fuck it, just read the report when I remember where I put it
p
)
