14) Nothern Vietnam: The Rise and Fall of the Three Musketeers and the Spiders from Slovenia

I came to a conclusion in northern Nam, that while certainly not new news, is most definitely of profound significance. It is simply this: any experience you have in life is going to heavily (if not completely) colored by the people you share it with. For example, have you ever really loved a job and hated your coworkers?

I spent a week with a wonderful Slovenian couple and a French guy. It was the worst weather and the most average places I saw in Vietnam, but we got on so well and had so much fun that my impression of those places is off the charts. It’s hard not to like a place when all you do is laugh hysterically all day.

These are shitty times, no question, but if you are with people you care about, then you are half way there. I guess what I am saying is that I would rather be surrounded by loved ones in the shit than be alone in the glory days. Food for thought.

3/4

Can we rock climb in the rain? When your options are that and sitting inside your hotel room all day, the answer is yes. Yes we can. God, I’m so November 2008.














But you might need some special gear
















My first outdoor climb. Thanks Sandra. I mean for not letting me die and whatnot

A composed ad for Vietnam's Halida- sort of the Coors Light of region.

I think extreme sports should be used to sell ALL products, if only because the commercials would be way more interesting. And yes, that includes baby formula, sofa sets and adult diapers. Man, the world is lucky that I am in advertising.

Rejected 2009 Halida Ad Campaigns:

Halida…
- It’s Beer Stupid
- You Can’t Just Have Seven
- Now With More Recovered GI Limbs
- Goes Down Smooth, Comes Up Smoother
- Tastes Mediocre, Less Filling
- The Official Beer of the Communist Party (those who do not drink will be visited by armed men at night so DRINK IT. NOW. DRINK NOW. COMPLY. COMPLY!!)
- Killing Endangered Elephants to Make Beer Since 1923
- Two Words: Tiger Penis
- The Russell Crowe of Beers (if Russell Crowe was gay)
- Just Drink It, Pussy
- Better Than Getting Rapped in Prison
- I Wear Lipstick When I Masturbate. Wait, wrong list. Please ignore





















It’s hard to see, but that tiny speck in the middle is an agile Slovenian

Slovenia. Let’s talk about it. I’ve met two awesome couples from Slovenia on this trip. It’s my new European obsession. It’s right next to Croatia and Italy and if your name is Maggie, Elena or Ryan you passed through there in 2006. It’s cheap and beautiful, and as a bonus for dorks they apparently dig Futurama there. Keep it in mind for your next summer vacation. I am.

3/5

Back at it.

That’s me up top in the yellow Empire State Games jacket. Still a favorite. Thanks Soden. Yaw still numbah won on da list for da pahty.

Blaj and Vince plan a route. And Smoke. Big surprise.

















That night’s feast, taken in a hut in the middle of the jungle.

3/6

See ya, suckers

On a four-hour boat trip at 10AM you have limited options of things to do. But who needs options when you have dice?

Cause no choice is as good as playing Zonk with vodka for brunch.
































Sandra (aka Clutch) was just that. She killed us. Just look at the concentration











An overnight train trip that evening to the hill-town of Sapa. If you like trains and you like sleeping, try sleeping on a train sometime. It’s like non-prescription Valium.

3/7

Cops in Vietnam are prepared for any situation, including the old piano/safe on the head. Apparently Wile E. Coyote is a high-ranking party member here overseeing the military. Makes sense.










Today’s Moment of Donkey

TMOD (close-up edition)

Hiyooo. If you’ve ever wondered if donkeys were circumcised you can stop wondering. They’re not.

Northern Nam hill tribes

Northern Nam hill tribes- Girlfight. Yes!

This one was tough to see. I’m still not sure what it was all about. Blaj’s explanation, “It’s dinner. We are near China and they eat dogs in China. I know this because I saw it once in a movie.” I’ll go with that.

3/8

This was the best dog I have ever seen; like a tiny lion that knew tricks. 100% personality. Hat’s off to the owner for going there. If I worked for a network, this dog would have his own talk show right now.











Pool dart? Is that like an aquatic lawn dart? Either way, I doubt it’s worthy of graffiti













It was balls-cold in Sapa. So cold that the Slovenians and I snuck into the sauna of the fanciest hotel in town. It was heaven. And yes, that is sweat.

3/9

Biking through the amazing mountains of northern Vietnam

A Vietnamese gas station

You have to love a gas station wearing a hat. Hell, any building that can accessorize is aces in my book.

Bizarro Tom Grise. He even sounded like him. Oddly comforting in my time of need.













My time of need being a nasty morocycle accident where I ended up pinned under my bike. Yes, I’m ok. And yes, it hurt. Lots.

















But nothing was broken. Thank god.
















But it was far from pretty

Blaj’s R.I.C.E. method of recovery:
Rest-Ice-Circulation-Elevation

Good one, but he forgot beer

This injury would go on to plague me for weeks. I am still not sure if there is any permanent damage, as I landed square on my bad hip. I also developed a nasty hematoma, but that is another story for another time.

The Slovenian Musketeers helped nurse me back to health, bless their hearts. However it should be known that their medical assistance was solely comprised of some Slovenian homebrew they bought from a farmer before they left. This “cure-all” can apparently be used for anything, including poor eyesight, sore feet and the common cold. They used the exact same bottle on my wounds that they gave Tom Grise’s girlfriend the day before for an upset stomach. I’m not saying that all Slovenians are crazy witch doctors, but I’m also not not saying that.

Regardless, they were the absolute best. Thank you guys again for all your awesome care. Still miss you kids. Clutch for life!