12) Random Encounters of the 3rd Kind

Leaving Hoi An by moped, several thoughts were on the brain. Like:

Boy that field of rice is green.

And...

Were these new kicks a good purchase?

That was about as far as I got when this chick rocked up to strike up a friendly conversation at 70KM/hr. Apparently it's never a bad time to get to know your neighbor here.

The following took place on the back of a motorbike flying down the highway on the way to Danang:

Random Vietnamese Woman (rvw): Sin Jow. Hello. Where you from?
Me (me): United States- New York
rvw: Ahh New York. Big city. Big apple.
me: Yup.
rvw: You visit Vietnam?
me: Yes, I visit.
rvw: You like Vietnam?
me: Yes. It's very beautiful.
rvw: What you do New York?
me: Umm. Marketing.
rvw: Mahting?
me: No, marketing. Event marketing. Agency. I work for an event marketing agency.
rvw: (silence)
me: Advertising?
rvw: (silence)
me: Doctor. I'm a doctor.
rvw: Oh doctor. Very good. Very nice. You make lots money. You rich.
me: (awkward smile)
rvw: How much money you make?

OK, what? Let's all bear in mind the circumstances of this conversation. Why not just ask me what I look like naked?

me: Not enough (fake laugh typically reserved for cocktail parties with my parent's friends)
rvw: You go Danang?
me: Yeah, to the airport.
rvw: You go mountains in Hoi An?
me: No, just the airport.
rvw: Why you not go mountains. Very beautiful.

This was actually a valid question. Why hadn't I gone to the beautiful mountains. I'll tell you why, cause my ass spent 5 days on a beach getting drunk. Lazy shit.

me: No, just to the airport. My plane is in one hour.
rvw: One hour? Oh good. Ok. You come mountains. Lots of time. You come visit my family.
me: No no, plane leave one hour. Plane leave 10 o'clock

This exchange is a good example of how I communicate with foreigners. Rather than speak correctly in proper English, I inevitably adopt their habits and speak in some sort of broken half-English like an under-educated 4 year old. My intentions are good, I swear, but... yeah, I can't really explain it. I always just find myself adopting to whatever is around me. Put me in Atlanta for all of ten minutes and I have a fake southern accent. Bizarre.

rvw: Ok, no problem. You come my family. You come mountains. Very beautiful. Then I take you Danang.

So how does one reason with this? Surely this woman knows this is impossible. I may be in a different country, but as far as I know time still works the same here, right? No warp speed? No worm holes? Ok, so she knows she is suggesting I blow off my flight to come meet her family in the mountains. She must know this is insane. So what's she up to? What is motivating this bizarre conversation? Should I actually go? Am I crazy? Maybe I'd be crazy not to go.

At this point the shear insanity of being propositioned by a stranger whilst traveling down the interstate smacked me in the face and I started laughing. Then she started laughing and then I took the above picture, which she seemed ok with. I suppose that was just as good as a trip to the mountains, cause at that point she waved and pulled away.

me (laughing): Goodbye my love. I'll cherish you always. Goodbye mi amor. Goodbye.
Bike Driver (who up to this point had been totally silent): No mountains. Airport.

Right-o. You said it brother. Warp speed ahead. Engage.